Grandpa takes easily overwhelmed 6-year-old on surprise day trip, demands daughter-in-law pay damages after she is sick in his car: 'He thinks it's fair because he wanted to do something nice'

One of the most important parts of raising a child is getting to know them. Their personality, likes and dislikes, and crucially, their limits and boundaries, are all things that should inform how their parents and responsible adults in their life treat them.

This can sometimes prove disappointing for family members when the kid they hoped for and the kid they get appear to be two different individuals. Nonetheless, it is important to cater to their needs for the peace of mind of everybody involved.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what doesn't happen in many family settings, leading to upset and drama that could have been avoided by just taking a little more care. Sometimes, children have more complex needs that mean certain activities are not a possibility, and that has to be respected. Otherwise, it can prove to be an upsetting event for everybody who is involved in it. It's a surefire way for disagreements to happen.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01

    AITA because I don't want to give money back to my FIL after he took my daughter on a trip and she "destroyed" his car?

    A bit of context: my daughter (6) is very easily overstimulated, we are currently in the process of getting a diagnosis. For this reason, I try to keep my daughter away from MIL and FIL, they don't understand and are both those people who are always everywhere and often go on spontaneous trips that last for hours, a nightmare for my daughter. Recently, however, when I returned home, my daughter was gone. I asked my husband about it. He said his father had arrived and decided to take "Daisy" on a
    via Purple-Clock-2526
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10531396608
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is how one mom felt when her husband allowed her father-in-law to take their 6-year-old on a spontaneous day trip while she was out of the house. She was reluctant to allow this, as their daughter was easily overstimulated and often didn't adapt well to impulsive plans.

    When they returned home, the grandpa complained that the girl had behaved badly throughout the trip, culminating in her being sick in his car. 

    The mom was angry, and only became angrier when he called the next day and demanded she pay for the damages and the things he had bought his grandchild during the trip. She wanted to know if she was wrong to refuse the request.

  • 03
    He returned three hours later. He was furious, and Daisy was crying. According to him, Daisy was "grumpy" and "spoiled" throughout the entire trip, completely ruining his plans, and when he wanted to take her to another place, she threw her drink and spilled it in the car. Then she started crying that the car "smelled like hot apple juice" and vomited.
    via Purple-Clock-2526
  • 04
    I was already ped off and if not my husband, I think I could have torn my FIL apart, but the next day FIL called me... demanding money for the damages and all the things he bought Daisy (and which we didn't even end up getting). He thinks it's fair because "he wanted to do something nice." I, of course, believe that he had no right to take Daisy at all and that he should not receive any money, but my husband, on the other hand, thinks that we should pay "to keep the peace". In his opinion, I'm t
    via Purple-Clock-2526
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  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10531396864
    via Sharon Waldron

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders cast judgment on the dad and grandpa.

    SmoochNo Info: why did your husband allow your FIL to just take his daughter without any consideration or agreement about your daughter's limitations for being over stimulated? Your husband is a huge part of the problem here. I don't think a cent is owed but if your husband is going to pay it for his huge contribution to this event, then that money comes from his fun money or something. Not shared money, not your money. If he's so insistent and doesn't have a fun money budget, then he can sell s
    via SmoochNo
  • 07
    _MizzScarlet Totally agree with you. They made their choices, they deal with the fallout. No way you should be paying for their screw-up.
    via _MizzScarlet
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  • 08
    SilverSaintCD NTA. Assuming your in laws have encountered your daughter when she was overstimulated before, even if they didn't understand, they should've been more wary of putting her in uncomfortable situations or "little trips". Also, if you never even got the presents, it's not your responsibility to pay for them at all. It was your FIL's choice to go on the trip and buy her stuff, and it is not your fault your daughter became overstimulated
    via SilverSaintCD
  • 09
    Little MissChriss NTA and you have a husband problem. If he won't get his a onto yours and your daughter's team I'd divorce him and let him pander to mommy and daddy for the rest of his life.
    via LittleMissChriss
  • 10
    BlushyMizz NTA. He took your daughter without asking, ignored her needs and now wants more money? That's on him, not you.
    via BlushyMizz
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  • 11
    TheRealMemonty Your husband is an idiot, along with is father.
    via TheRealMemonty
  • 12
    Gnd_flpd The husband either didn't want to be bothered to actually parent his child or he more invested in being a good, obedient son instead of a protective father to his daughter and supportive spouse to his wife. ΝΤΑ I feel horrible for your child OP, she may get stimulated easily and maybe she was even car sick. Problem is the inlaws choose not to believe things like that are a thing, so they intend to torture her into being what they want her to be. Please have your daughter's back OP, beca
    via Gnd_flpd
  • 13
    eeyorethechaotic NTA, and instead of enabling this behaviour, I'd suggest you inform FIL that these are the consequences of his actions. So if he doesn't want it to happen again, he should stop doing the thing that causes it.
    via eeyorethechaotic
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  • 14
    Amazing-Wave4704 Not a penny. And you have a big husband problem. He let his dad take her with no warning, no discussion with you, no consideration for your daughter. And now he wants to give that f money. And frankly your daughter will ALWAYS remember this traumatizing event and how grandpa made her feel (Im in my sixties. I remember how this stuff felt) She should never have to be around him again without an abject apology you and she will NEVER get.
    via Amazing-Wave4704
  • 15
    Tasty_Doughnut_9226 Nta you don't take your grandkids out for a treat to then ask for the money back unless that was agreed. Your husband has a marshmallow spine!!! He needs to stand up to his father. They think they know best when they clearly don't!! I'm guessing if you do get a diagnosis that they'll say it's all made up anyway, sounds like they're those types of people.
    via Tasty_Doughnut_9226
  • 16
    Powerful_Put_6977 I would have a very frank and honest conversation with the In-Laws here reminding them that you've not let them take Daisy out on any long trips before and they must have been mad to think that there was any other outcome than the one they experienced when they took Daisy out. You are aware that they want to spend time with their grandchild but this is not the way to do it. You will not be paying for a valet of their car as a result. This is a learning experience for them and t
    via Powerful_Put_6977
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  • 17
    MizzScarlet NTA. He took your without asking and now wants money because things didn't go as planned. That's his new not yours
    via _MizzScarlet
  • 18
    Extreme_Ad4425 Let your husband pay for it if he needs to keep the peace, then set a boundary that neither of the grandparents is ever allowed around your kid alone. I had to set that boundary with my MIL for my stepkids because she wouldn't listen when they told her to back the f off. For whatever reason, boomers think they get extra rights for living longer, but they won't give any respect in return.
    via Extreme_Ad4425
  • 19
    smlpkg1966 The one you should have torn up is your husband. He knows how his daughter is. He just wanted her out of his hair. NTA but this is a husband problem.
    via smlpkg1966
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  • 20
    Kitty_D NTA. Some older generations (I initially said boomers, but my generalisation was projection, I apologise) don't see neuro-divergence as something legitimate. My son was constantly mocked, teased, and seen as the "naughty problem child" by my in-laws. Now they have no contact with him, so he gets to exist as the person he is, not the person they wanted him to be. Your FIL lost control of the narrative and lost control of your daughter and he couldn't handle it. That's not healthy and he's
    via Kitty_D
  • 21
    lovinglifeatmyage Your husband is a spineless who obviously lets his parents walk all over him. He knows what your daughter is like, so why was he stupid enough to let her go with his dad? You owe him nothing, especially as you say she didn't receive anything. And the cost of cleaning his car serves him right. Tell your husband to grow up and get himself that spine he needs NTAH
    via lovinglifeatmyage
  • 22
    EmmaSars NTA. He took your daughter without asking, ignored her needs, and now wants compensation? That's on him, not you.
    via EmmaSars
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